entry 002
proof of motion
i keep thinking progress is supposed to feel obvious.
like one day i’ll wake up and suddenly feel brave, certain, ready, completely rebuilt from the inside out.
but maybe it is quieter than that. maybe it is sending one message, reading one listing, saving one note, asking one question, trying one more time even while my hands are shaky.
maybe becoming doesn’t always announce itself. sometimes it just leaves tiny fingerprints everywhere.
entry 001
starting from zero
i think i want to become a mechanic.
it still scares me to write that down because i don’t know much about cars yet, and part of me feels like i should already know everything before i even begin.
but maybe that’s the whole point. maybe this is the part where i let myself start from zero and learn anyway.
current fear
what if i hate it?
then i’ll know.
trying something doesn’t trap me forever. it just gives me more information about the kind of life i actually want.
reminder file
for when i feel behind
apprenticeships are for learning. beginners are allowed. being scared does not mean i’m incapable.
i don’t have to become future me overnight. i just have to keep walking toward her.
current quest
apprenticeship checklist
- research local mechanic apprenticeships
- update resume
- write a simple cover letter
- learn basic car parts
- apply for one listing, even if i feel nervous
- remember beginners are allowed
one tiny step still counts as progress.
future note
small promise
i’m allowed to be new at something and still take it seriously.
